In 1973 researchers went back and visited the class of '53 and found that the 3% of the graduates who had the clear and written goals had amassed a fortune worth more than the other 97% combined. This is powerful evidence that goal setting is a proven process in creating and defining success.

Goal setting is an important element in career planning. Taking steps to achieve what you want in a career takes planning, perseverance, and sometimes luck. In this unit, you will learn what goals are, why goals are important to career success, and how to create them for yourself. You'll also take a look at how self-defeating behavior and low self-esteem can undermine successful goal setting.

You will be asked to think about your day-to-day thoughts and behavior to see how they contribute to the successes or challenges in your life. You will also learn useful strategies to help change negative thoughts and behavior so that goal setting is productive and results-based.

There are two areas that serve as barriers to success when it comes to achieving your goals: low self-esteem and self-defeating behaviors. The two areas are intertwined in that low self-esteem can result in self-defeating behaviors and self-defeating behaviors can result in low self-esteem. Both are impacted by a person's thoughts and feelings. Self-Defeating Behaviors is covered in this lesson. Self-esteem will be covered in Lesson 3.

A major barrier to your career success involves behavior that you put in the way of your own success. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? Why should you sabotage your own progress? Certainly, no one would do that deliberately; nevertheless, we do it as surely as we get up in the morning (or sometimes even if we don't...especially if we don't!).

Self-Defeating Behavior (SDB) is among the many potential barriers to your success in choosing and entering a satisfying career. So what is SDB? Anything you do to defeat your own purposes is the short answer. Of all the potential barriers to a career that you must face, SDB is the barrier that is under your control.

"I've always been a procrastinator." "Nobody in my family is good at math." "I've never been creative."

Identifying Self-Defeating Behaviors

You may have a friend who is never able to finish a project, no matter how small. Why? It is possible that the person has a self-defeating behavior. Your friend can't allow herself to finish a project because she is afraid of what success, even small success, might do to her.
Do you know a person who continually talks negatively about other people or about himself? It is possible that this person has a self-defeating behavior that causes him to say negative things. This behavior may be a means to keep people from getting too close. It's possible that this person is afraid of rejection, so he speaks first and rejects others and himself. Then he doesn't need to risk being rejected.

How Do Self-Defeating Behaviors Work?

Self-defeating Behaviors (SDB) work within a person to cause failure. How does this happen?

1. Discomfort. Begin by experiencing fear, anxiety, or discomfort. You may be in a situation where you feel uncomfortable. This feeling may be triggered by many things from a physical threat to a comment made by a person. A natural response to discomfort is to move away from the situation. When the discomfort is the result of a growing experience, moving away from the discomfort becomes avoidance.

2. Avoidance. The discomfort can be mild or it may be great. In fact mild discomfort can be enough to decide to avoid the feeling. When a choice is made to get away from the discomfort, the avoidance becomes a means to not face the situation. The avoidance may become so automatic that you are not even aware of doing it. For example, if you are uncomfortable with receiving praise for doing well at work or school, you may find several ways to keep from doing the studying necessary to do well.

Part 2

Introduction

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. When you like yourself. When you have a high level of self-respect, you are said to have self-esteem. When you have high self-esteem, you have confidence, which leads to better decision-making, acceptance of others and their viewpoints, and appropriate expression of emotions. If you don't like yourself very much, you have low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can lead to depression and self-destructive behavior.

Everyone has faults and imperfections. When there are things about yourself that you do not like or when something happens that you feel should not happen to a person like you, there are several ways that you might choose to deal with it. It is important to realize that sometimes things happen to you and you are not at fault. Other times things happen that you cause. To manage this conflict, you might:

• Make excuses and blame someone else;
• Try to ignore what happened or pretend to be unaware of what you do not like about yourself;
• Feel sorry for yourself;
• Label yourself a failure; or
• Accept the experience as real, face it, and tell yourself, "I'm okay."

The last choice is the healthiest because it shows you are accepting responsibility for your actions.

However, being less than perfect should not cause you to lose self-respect. There is an important distinction between believing you are a good person who has weaknesses and believing you are worthless. How you feel about yourself is always in a state of development. Self-esteem is learned early in life, and it can be unlearned, changed, or influenced by others.

The earliest influences on developing self-esteem come from external messages--things that other people say and do--to you. If other people gave positive, caring, and supportive verbal and non-verbal messages, you probably came to believe that you were cute and lovable. On the other hand, if you were ignored, ridiculed, or abused, you probably came to think that you were unattractive and unlovable. Parents do not teach you self-esteem, but do shape it with positive or negative messages.

Negative	Positive
"You're so lazy."	"Next time you'll do better."
"It's all your fault."	"You can do anything."
"What's wrong with you?"	"I know you did your best."

Parents may inadvertently damage their children's self-esteem by criticizing the child, rather than the child's behavior. Teachers, coaches, and other authority figures can damage self-esteem by defining a child's "worth" base on his/her physical or mental competencies.

As you entered your teen years, you probably started comparing yourself to other people. Typically, you became less happy with who you were. Teenagers often tear down others to build themselves up, trying to combat their doubts about themselves and their negative self-images. Friends add to the level of self-doubt by using kidding statements such as, "You dummy." In addition, you must also deal with physical changes; relationships with peer groups; an emerging, often confusing identity; loss of childhood; and assumption of additional responsibilities.

Because many adolescents (and adults) with low self-esteem judge their own value by comparing themselves with others, they have a need for recognition and status. They tend to value money and the things money can buy.

As an adult, you will be constantly adjusting the level of your self-esteem as you get in touch with your identity.

Self-esteem is a decision. You can decide to think well of yourself or think poorly of yourself. Yes, external influences can impact your self-esteem, but it's up to you to determine how you react to those external influences.

Take the following self-esteem evaluation by clicking the WWW button below. If, after taking the test, you feel you need to change how you look at yourself, the steps on the following pages will help you do so. Keep in mind that the results of this test are not an absolute indication of your self-esteem. Think of it as a gauge to help determine where you are on a scale between low and high self-esteem.

Now that you have an indication of your level of self-esteem, you will now take a look at steps to take to improve the opinion you have of yourself. Even if you have high self-esteem, some of the information will be valuable to you as well. 

12 Steps to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Step 1:  Stop comparing yourself with other people. There will always be some people who have more than you, and some who have less. If you play the comparison game, you'll run into too many "opponents" you can't defeat.

Step 2:  Stop putting yourself down. You can't develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Whether speaking about your appearances, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments.

Step 3:  Accept all compliments with "thank you." Ever received a compliment and replied," Oh, it was nothing."? When you reject a compliment, the message you give yourself is that you are not worthy of praise. Respond to all compliments with a simple "Thank You." You disqualify the positive by taking a either neutral or positive event and turn it into a negative event. A common example of disqualifying the positive is when someone pays you a compliment. Often people with low self-esteem will disqualify the positive comment by saying, "It was nothing." or "They're just being nice." When you have low self-esteem, it's difficult to think of positive things about yourself and perhaps even more difficult to think that others would think positively about you. If you have low self-esteem, disqualifying the positive may be so natural you don't even notice when you do it. You become a sort of "negative thinking scientist" looking for ways to reinforce the negative thoughts about yourself. Whenever a negative experience happens, you may dwell on it and use it to reinforce thoughts such as, "That's par for the course. I knew that would happen." And even when something positive happens, you tend to attribute it to luck or a fluke. You tend not to base it on your own abilities or talents. The price you pay for not recognizing the positive things about yourself is that your self-esteem lowers even more, and you may become totally convinced that negative things are all that will happen in your life.

Step 4:  Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept myself." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement. An affirmation is a statement of fact or belief. When written correctly, an affirmation will trigger a picture in your mind of your goal already accomplished. The following steps may be used for writing affirmations. 1.     1. Personal - Affirmations are written with the word "I" in them. You can only       affirm for yourself. The desired change will occur because of something you do. You don't have to share your personal affirmations. 2.     Positive - Always describe what you want. 3.     Present tense - Affirmations are written as though they are happening right now. 4.     4. Achievement - Eliminate words such as can, will, should, and want from your affirmations. Include phrases such as I am, I do, and I have. 5.     5. No comparisons - Comparing yourself to others is ineffective. Your measurement of growth is based on yourself. 6.     6. Action words - Use terms that describe action pictures, such as easily, quickly, and confidently in your affirmations. 7.     7. Emotion words - The more positive the emotion you feel while picturing your accomplished goal, the faster it will happen. 8.     8. Accuracy - If written in general terms, the picture is too vague, and it gives too many escape routes. 9.     Balance - Set goals and write affirmations in all areas of your life. 10.  10. Realistic - You need to be able to see the affirmations; visualize it and imagine it.

Step 5:  Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem. Whatever material you allow to dominate your mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip offs, you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.

Step 6:  Associate with positive, supportive people. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your Self-Esteem is lowered. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, you feel better about yourself in the best possible environment to raise your Self-Esteem. The more we accept ourselves, the easier it is to get rid of unhealthy attitudes toward others. Self-acceptance is a key to getting rid of grudges and resentments that drain us of so much energy and limit our ability to grow as human beings. Think of the people who support and encourage you as your own personal fan club. Your fan club consists of people who support you 100% and are proud of your achievements. They encourage you when you feel uncertain. They remind you how much you're learning when life seems difficult. They are with you whenever you need advice or a shoulder to cry on. Who are the members of your fan club? The only criteria for being a member of your fan club is--Do they believe in you? Some people have parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters or other relatives in their fan clubs. Other people have teachers, co-workers, friends, or a higher power in their fan clubs. You decide who your fan club is. You can choose as many or as few people as you like. So, the next time you feel you need a boost, contact one or several members of your fan club to help you through a difficult time.

Step 7:  Make a list of your past successes. This doesn't necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments. It can include your "minor victories," like learning to skate, graduating from high school, receiving an award or promotion, or reaching a business goal. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.

Step 8:  Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it's important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn't working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you'll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve. Write 20 positive qualities about yourself. What do you most like about yourself? They can be physical traits or personality traits (e.g., "I like my smile." or "I'm gentle with animals.") If you are having a difficult time identifying 20, write as many as you can and then come back to your list as you think of others.

Step 9:  Start giving more. I'm not talking about money. Rather, I mean that you must begin to give more of yourself to those around your. When you do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your own Self-Esteem. You are not the only person who struggles with low self-esteem. As your opinion of yourself grows, you can help others improve their opinions of themselves. One good way of helping others is to notice when people do things that you like and thank them for these things. Look for the little things people do that you like. For example, a classmate or co-worker may smile at you or friend listens to you. When people know their actions are appreciated, they're more likely to do the same things again. As you build your own self-esteem, you'll be able to help others with theirs.

Step 10:  Get involved in work and activities you enjoy. It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you despise. Self-Esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. Even if you can't explore alternative career options at the present time, you can still devote leisure time to hobbies and activities which you find stimulating and enjoyable. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world! There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone! As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others." ---Nelson Mandela (Quote from the Inauguration Speech, 1994) Information on Nelson Mandela From 1964 to 1990, Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for opposing South Africa’s white minority government. Instead of disappearing from view, Mandela became a martyr and worldwide symbol of resistance to racism. In 1993 Mandela and the president who released him, F.W. de Klerk, shared the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1994 Mandela was elected South Africa's president.

Step 11:  Accept yourself and your limitations. Be true to yourself. Live your own life - not the life others have decided is best for you. You'll never gain your own respect and feel good about yourself if you aren't leading the life you want to lead. If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered. Take every opportunity you can to make decisions both in setting your goals and in devising ways to achieve them. Along with making decisions, be willing to accept the consequences of your actions—positive or negative.

Step 12:  Take action! You won't develop high Self-Esteem if you sit on the sidelines and back away from challenges. When you take action--regardless of the ensuing result--you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you'll be frustrated and unhappy and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self- esteem. You are a human being. As a human being you are no different from anyone else. You have strengths and you have weaknesses. You have talents and you have faults. You have advantages and you have disadvantages. In that you are equal to everyone around you. You are just as valuable and you are just as worthwhile and you are just as important as everyone else is. That is a fact of life. The only thing that stops you from thinking you are an equal to everyone else is a failure to believe these simple facts. You lack confidence in yourself and your value as a human being. 9.-Marshall Brain, The Teenagers Guide to the Real World

Part 3

What Are Goals?

Goals are general statements of direction. That is, a goal is your statement about what you want to accomplish in your life. Goal setting is a lifelong process that deserves constant monitoring to keep goals realistic and up-to-date. You should set goals and use them to improve yourself and move into a position in which you eventually can set a new goal. As Adam Smith, the great economist said, "No specific goal can sustain one for very long after it is achieved."

In his book, If You Don't Know Where You're Going, You'll Probably End Up Somewhere Else, David Campbell, Ph. D., a leading specialist in career guidance and author, has determined five types of goals:

Long-range goals
apply to the whole period of a person's life; these goals can take five to 20 years to achieve; long-range goals give you a focus of the "big picture."

Medium-range goals
cover roughly two to five years

Short-range goals
cover a period that extends from one month to a year into the future; short-range goals may be the steps you need to take to reach your long-range goals.

Mini-goals
cover a period that extends from a single day to a month into the future

Micro-goals
cover no more than fifteen minutes of a person's life

Tips For Writing Goals

There are several systems for developing goals. They tend to be similar in nature with varying details. One, the RIMS System, which will be used in this course, has four characteristics of goals that you need to consider as you make your career choice.

R - Realistic

I - Important to you

M - Measurable

S - Specific

Realistic
In an ideal world, each person is born with unlimited possibilities for how far they can go in life. However, there are constraints and barriers that each person must face every day that impact what possibilities are actually available. Barriers are often the result of decisions that have already been made, either by yourself or by another person who has control over your life.

Important
A goal that is important to you is one that meets some core value that you hold very close.

Measurable
Measurable means that you will be able to clearly tell when you achieve your goal.

Specific
How can you know what your goal is if you do not identify it? Write a specific description that describes your goal in some detail.